This is when my good friend took over the conversation because she saw how stunned I had become by his audacity. I recognize that I wear rose colored glasses most of the time. I choose that. I choose to believe the best in people and that they won’t be anything other than respectful and engaging. I also have to remember that men and women are built differently. 

Ultimately what mattered was how my talk went, if it offered value to those who attended and that I stood by what I believe in, which I do. 100% This is why I am taking this leap and talking about how to make more room for joy in your life.  

Differences between different subsets of humans (men vs. women) are important to respect, acknowledge and understand. I wanted to share this experience with you, so that we all could understand a few things.

1. 1. Be open and respectful when someone shares a different way of looking at the same or similar problem. You might learn something.
   2. Trust your gut and feel confident in your place in this world. You matter, you are worthy of respect and you have tons of cool stuff to share. Don’t give up on that. 
   3. It really is fascinating how physiology and psychology plays a role in our makeup and differences. 

So, in the tone of “Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus”, here is some brief insight as to why the lunch conversation unfolded as it did. 

Joy is a universal emotion, but how we experience and approach it can differ significantly based on both physiological and psychological factors. While these differences aren’t absolute, there are notable trends that shape how men and women pursue and sustain joy.

Physiological Differences

At the physiological level, hormones like oxytocin, serotonin, and testosterone play distinct roles in emotional regulation. In women, oxytocin, often referred to as the “bonding hormone,” tends to be more influential. It spikes during moments of connection, whether through physical touch, shared experiences, or nurturing others. As a result, women often derive joy from interpersonal relationships, caregiving, and meaningful connections.

In contrast, testosterone, a dominant hormone in men, is linked to competitive behavior, goal achievement, and problem-solving. Men may often find joy in accomplishment—whether through personal goals, career success, or physical pursuits. The physiological rewards tied to competition and status boost mood and satisfaction.

Psychological Factors

From a psychological perspective, societal conditioning plays a role in how men and women pursue joy. Women are typically socialized to prioritize relationships and empathy, seeking joy through community and deep emotional bonds. For many women, joy is often intertwined with helping others and creating harmony in their environments.

Men, on the other hand, are often conditioned to find joy in independence and self-fulfillment. Many men lean towards experiences that boost their personal sense of achievement or self-worth. Whether through career milestones, hobbies, or physical challenges, joy is more often tied to external validation or self-improvement.

Converging Paths to Joy

While these general patterns exist, it’s important to remember that everyone’s path to joy is unique. Men can find deep joy in relationships, just as women can find it in personal accomplishments. The key takeaway is that joy is deeply influenced by both biological factors and cultural expectations, making it a deeply personal, yet shared, human experience.

Understanding these differences helps us appreciate the diverse ways people experience happiness and supports healthier, more fulfilling relationships across the gender spectrum and during conference lunchtime chats.